Baumann

I was conceptualizing an elaborate post on a subject with which we are all familiar when it dawned on me: I haven’t posted anything in any regular frequency for quite a while. This is due to the fact that for once my life isn’t in shambles. I blog to vent, to inform, to idealize and dream; I blog because writing gives me a catharsis that is sought when life is kicking my ass. Lately, life has been better than it has ever been. I’m in disbelief. I am at a point where there is so much bliss, both personally and professionally, that I am actually scared that it won’t last. I am scared that I won’t be able to keep this going. I thought I had it all just three years ago. I was in a seemingly good relationship, I had a job that was giving me a good living, I had an 800+ credit rating, and I wasn’t in any pain. Fast forward about eighteen months and every single one of those things would be reversed. Suddenly, this 180 that my life has taken consumed me. I remained unemployed for thirteen months after losing my job in June of 2009. My pain escalated into severe chemical dependence and a hospital stay of nearly three months. My credit went from stellar to sewage. My relationship disintegrated as a result of these things and more. I was in Hell. More specifically, I was a living Hell.

Blogging about all of this simultaneous shit was a nice release for me. It wasn’t for the purpose of letting people know what was going on (in fact if you revisit any of them, you’ll see a certain vagueness), rather for me to just kind of ask the universe “what the fuck?” Looking back it’s easy to see how that little bit helped but that now I don’t take the time to continue when my life has everything aligned positively. Man, I must be such a negative person. I’m working on that, I swear.