A Part of Me…Discontinued
I can live with change. I’ve been forced to on many an occasion; chosen or not. In the last eight years of my life I have been the recipient of life altering changes many times over. Throughout that time, things that have been a significant part of my life have come and gone. Relationships, goals, rewards, accomplishments, trials, and experiences both tangible and memorable. Some of these losses are very materialistic but still, I feel that they were a part of me. Tribute, my favorite restaurant in history closed its doors amidst a fledgling economy. Despite the fact that I now manage a restaurant where some people still have the means to throw around cash as if it were defecating from them, Tribute, because Detroit is nowhere near what it once was, is no more. There are similar fine dining experiences that I have shared with others since going there, but none will replace the magic that I felt every single time I walked into that
place
While many things have changed, one thing remains since 2007: I no longer drive. In 2004, my life was on an upswing. As a reward, I was able to negotiate a minimal monthly payment to get the new car of my dreams: a Mazda RX-8. It was a stunning automobile. It drove as if on rails; a demon on the road and both a visual and performance marvel. Sure it didn’t jump off the line in less than six seconds, but I never cared about that. I could still outrun other similar cars because this sucker had one important factor that most others lack: stamina. There was no greater feeling than taking curves at more than 40 miles per hour after downshifting into second gear. Yes, second gear; possible because the redline was set at nine thousand. This car screamed drive me. Boy did I. For years I enjoyed the simplicity of design for the greatest track car ever built and I miss it still. You have to understand, it was more than just a sleek sports car. It was a true expression of my ambitions, personality, and inner self, all rolled into a sexy package that made everyone I encountered envious. From day one of having that car, people would constantly comment on it. Those who knew of the Wenkel Rotary engine would provide great conversation while others simply marveled at its beauty. One of the best traits of the car was that in a sea of automobiles both rich and poor, the RX-8 was still uniquely me. It had a character and finicky nature that didn’t appeal to the masses, and those who did subscribe would dumb it down with a paddle-shifting automatic with 20 less horsepower because they thought it to be cute. Make no mistake, this was a driver’s car. A track car that effortlessly won 24 Hours of Le Mans. It felt perfect to sit behind the wheel, with the pinnacle of Japanese ergonomic design allowing everything within reach. This all before I had an iPhone and Bluetooth to integrate to it. Wow, I can only imagine how much better the ride has become 7 model years later.
That said, it really struck me when I just read that because of poor sales, Mazda has ceased production and will call 2011 it’s final model year. I’m not surprised, like I just mentioned, the lack of sales attributed to just how special driving this car was for me. What struck me was the possibility that even though I have no plan to return to a land where a car is necessary, I may never drive or most certainly own an RX-8, ever again. This makes me a little uneasy. I know it’s a pipe dream but my love for that car and how it made me feel driving it every single day still led me to believe that sometime in the future, if I needed to, I would have that again. I actually think about it on a regular basis. What if I had the money to just buy one and baby the shit out of it forever? Sadly, as I scour the Internet searching for one last 2011 to call my own, I’m left with very few possibilities; a large percentage are automatics, not to mention the lack of $35,000 in my bank account. This time around it would definitely have to be a purchase. Don’t give me that impractical crap either. Those that know anything may remember that the 8 had suicide doors and a rather roomy backseat and trunk. It was killer for road trips; my jaunt to Chicago three years ago and various trips to Cedar Point are perfect examples. So if I end up moving somewhere where a car is needed and I also have kids, no one will ever be able to talk me out of getting this car again. It’s that important to me. Christ, why can’t I just win the lottery already? That’s a rant for another day…
But it’s not “4G!”
Don’t judge a book by its deceptively similar cover. The iPhone 4S is far superior to any mobile phone that has ever been made. Period.
I was recently blessed with Steve Jobs’ last imprint of our generation and I noticed something immediate that I thought people needed to know.
As an avid iPhone user for the past three years there has been one thing that bothered me about the device. Initially, when the 3G came out, I was quite pleased. However, when technology progressed to 4G, WiMax, HSDPA+, and LTE, the iPhone was left out in the cold. Even with two iterations that followed each year, the 3GS and then the 4, the technology for a wireless connection peaked at 3G. It never really bothered me because being limited to AT&T as the sole provider of the device simply became acceptable. Then Verizon came around boasting its 4G LTE network. Here’s the catch: the iPhone doesn’t work on Verizon’s 4G network. Not even this latest model. I suppose that shouldn’t matter because for the last 17 months or so, some 30-40% of iPhone 4 owners think that the “4″ stands for 4G. I could do what I always do and simply say: idiots. However, I’ll just accept the fact that a person is smart, people are stupid. That’s why Apple has been so successful. More on this in a little bit.
As for people rejecting the iPhone because it’s not 4G, there’s something you should know.
A speed test result comparing Verizon’s 4G LTE and Sprint’s 4G WiMax networks was taken recently. The clear victor is Verizon with some pretty damn good speeds using the HTC Thunderbolt up against Sprint’s exclusive HTC EVO; the highest downstream was nearly 8 megabits per second. Both phones are two of the iPhone’s biggest competitors and because of Android loyalists, they often get a lot of accolades because of their features. There are many reasons why I consider any iPhone to be superior to every other phone; iOS is the main reason but the iPhone 4S just gave me a huge advantage.
Here are the results of my speed test running on AT&T’s “antiquated” 3G network:
Notice anything?
That’s right. The folks at Apple have made the phone so efficient with a new dual antenna system, that even running on a 3G network results in comparatively better speeds–Hell, it’s almost “4G”. AT&T’s 3G network; the bane of almost everyone I’ve ever heard who has an iPhone complain about. As for the entire iPhone experience? There’s a laundry list of why iOS is better than Android and why the features of the iPhone 4 were kept and improved upon as opposed to changed “for the better.” Let’s start with the chief complaint. People were upset at the lack of an iPhone 5, mostly because the Internet hype suggested that we’d see the next iPhone have a larger (possibly 4″) screen and a paper thin design. This likely started because of the iPad’s transition for the second model. After using the iPhone 4 for over a year after using the 3G for even longer, one thing is absolutely clear. The design of the phone is absolutely perfect. Stunning is the word that comes to mind. It’s smooth, has the right weight, and a 3.5″ screen is exactly the correct size for one handed use so that your thumb can reach every point on the screen. Why would a larger screen be more beneficial. Let’s not forget that the screen itself is gorgeous; it is hands down the best looking screen on any device ever created. The pixel density is much larger than even screens that are almost an inch larger diagonally. So many pixels in fact, that it’s impossible for the human eye to even see them. That’s a crystal clear screen. The thickness of the phone is also substantial because not only does it add credence to the sleek design, but also has a form factor that feels good when you’re holding it. It’s the same type of ergonomic design (especially with consideration to the thumb reach) that the Japanese concentrate on when building a car, and it’s wonderful.
Next up is the camera. I’ve already seen pics and video (shot professionally of course) from this thing and everyone is saying its the best camera ever put into a mobile phone. I don’t think there’s an argument here.
As for the software, is there really anything that can be said against Apple on this one? Sure, they delay the release of basic features that Android has had for months at a time. Sure it’s frustrating, but guess what happens when you finally get the finished product? It’s easy to revel in Apple’s reliable execution of even the simplest things. Android had notifications first, Apple’s implementation is better. Android had Twitter integration first, Apple’s is sleeker and more concise. Android is sloppy; many features that exist are difficult to find and operations that seem easy take many steps to execute. Apple? No contest. iOS’ interface is so simple, two year olds can understand it before they can form complete sentences. Oh, and once a two year old has interacted with iOS, it’s intuitive interface is expected to be universal to the child; he/she will try to use the same multitouch gestures on a magazine and get frustrated at the lack of response.
Well, there’s more gushing over the iPhone where that came from. I’ll finish with this; a great friend of mine got an iPhone about three months ago after being a staunch “I’ll never get rid of my” crack-berry. She couldn’t shut up about how much she loved the iPhone in the first weekend of using it. My sister finally got a 4S because of its availability from Sprint; just a wee three years post-envy of my acquisition. Her first FaceTime call was a lot of fun. My mother is next, then my girlfriend (admittedly, converting that one is going to be tricky, again, Sprint may help), then…the world.
Sent from my iPhone using Siri
The People vs. George Lucas
For anyone that has an inkling of what I’m all about, when it comes to my interests, it’s easy to nail the first as Wine and Fine Dining (my entire life is centered around it), but no matter what I am faithful to the most, the next on my list will always be Star Wars. These films, especially The Empire Strikes Back, have been so ingrained in my life, it’s impossible to imagine a scenario without them. My relationships with friends and even some family would be different without the common ground to relate to, I’d likely have had little interest in Sci-Fi and Fantasy until say Alien and The Matrix trilogies were seen, and least importantly, I’d be less of a couch potato, but let’s be realistic; there is no greater joy that I get from any other media I’ve laid eyes on. And I LOVE watching films and television. Star Wars will always hold a special place in my “very soul, tormenting me.”
That said, it really kind of upsets me when people, specifically childish morons on Internet boards, can’t respect the product and want it “their way”. If it were “their way” it wouldn’t be Star Wars at all. Let’s be clear first: This is not a complaint. This is a descriptive review of the latest release to grace my Blu Ray player but also a response to the unbelievably scathing remarks that the Internet is aflame with once again because George Lucas decided to alter the original films even more from the Star Wars Saga, with my unbridled enthusiastic take on the whole experience. That’s right, it’s a Saga. For me, it is impossible to look at the films of the “original” trilogy without including a reference to the impressive work done on the more recent prequel trilogy of films. Let’s be honest, if most people had approached watching these three new films as I had (knowing damn well that my age at the time came with some level of analytics and critical thinking as well as the facile ability to be pessimistic), and remembered what it meant to watch the first three as a child, these complaints would (hopefully) largely not exist at all. Fortunately, one of my oldest friends; someone with whom I shared many sleepless and/or drunken nights discussing rhapsodically the effect all six films had on us, still agrees with this point of view. Also, the most important person in my life watching these with me is as enthusiastic about the films now preserved in High Definition as I am. To quote a certain goldenrod professor: “Thank the maker!”
Fair warning: This is one of those rants where I ask myself questions and immediately answer them for an emphasizing effect.
The Star Wars Saga is now available on Blu Ray, showcased in a simple, yet elaborate book-like packaging that immediately gives a sense of wonder knowing that what’s inside is something special. 9 discs: The films themselves, plus about triple the length of them in bonus features separated into three categories (Prequels, Originals, Documentaries) and organized by “Location” (e.g. “Hoth” then “Dagobah” instead of a simple chapter type listing). The added bonus of the features on these discs is not just the ability to simply play through them all as an option, but to resume where you left off if stopped. Amazing, given the immensity of the extras alone. Included here area few documentaries dating back as far as ’77 that are very entertaining, the more recent Star Wars Tech look at the validity of physics and technology used in the films compared to our world (very cool) and a 90 minute compilation of various spoofs and cultural references throughout film and television over the years. Notably, the Robot Chicken Parodies, Tom Tom and SpikeTV Commercials, and several references from SNL including Kevin Spacey’s ridiculously hilarious impression of Christopher Walken’s “Han Solo Screen Test” and Bill Murray’s Lounge Singer rendition of the title theme. Outstanding. At first I lamented the omission of two amazing documentaries: Empire of Dreams and The Beginning. I realized though, that purchasing them again was unnecessary given that a 1080p presentation wouldn’t have an added effect. Still, it would’ve been cool if the packaging had some extra room to slip those DVDs in. Keep in mind that all of these extras from the Lucasfilm Archives are exactly that: different archival interviews and footage not previously released. So don’t throw out your special feature discs from the DVDs just yet.
As for the film themselves, holy shit. Yes, I know that the scans of these films were done in 2004 for the DVD release at the then state of the art 2K resolution and that they are not the highest quality possible these days (most film scans for an HD restoration go as high as 8K), but when I watch these in this “minimal” high definition, the result is still breathtaking. Yes, there are still problems, artifacts, goofs, and garbage mattes, but seriously, these films have been through a lot in the last 30 years. Thanks to the attention put into the mastering process by Lucasfilm amd Lowery Digital, most of those problems are now fixed. Gone are muted lightsaber glow and colors; the original films’ sabers now have the luminosity and consistency of the prequels save for two exceptions. When Luke uses his Father’s blade for the remote training it still doesn’t look quite as good. Better than before, but not yet perfect. Also, in the Death Star lightsaber duel, there is still that shot of Obi-Wan holding the saber straight out and its clearly the prop. Oddly, amongst things that I think should be fixed, one glaring error still stands out inexplicably. When Obi-Wan slices that guy’s arm off in the Cantina, the shot of it on the ground is still covered in blood. Don’t lightsabers cauterize? At least most of the other problems are now a thing of the past. Unless of course, you insist on watching the theatrical versions, then I guess you must enjoy the flaws. The matte boxes around the TIE fighters and Star Destroyers are now gone and thank god. As impressed as I was seven years ago with the visual quality of the films on DVD, that mastering process actually made those problems even more clear and very irritating. I couldn’t help but think: if Lucas is so apt to add new CGI effects, why wouldn’t he polish up the old ones so that they don’t look like models over a painted background with fuzzy shadowboxes around them? I finally got the answer. There really is no comparison to any previous version as far as sound and picture quality. That said, one of the chief complaints about this release is that once again, Lucas chose not to include the original theatrical versions of the films. Did I miss something here? I seem to remember that after the uproar in 2004, Lucas caved and offered the originals on DVD just to shut everybody up. It didn’t work; most people saw it as a real “fuck you” to the fans because not only were the originals not cleaned up at all for that release, but they were given a non-anamorphic transfer and left with only one 2.0 surround track. For any film enthusiast, this is a clear oversight, for Lucas, it’s the minimal showcase of these original films and I believe I know what he’s thinking. I grew up watching Star Wars. My first memory of it was seeing Return of the Jedi when I was wee. Read: way too young to remember what that experience was like. Instead, I remember countless repeated viewings of the three films on crappy, non boxed-set, non THX-Certified, Pan and Scan VHS tapes that would often disintegrate from so many passings through the machine head. I remember being plagued by the 4:3 aspect ratio when I was a kid when Luke declares “there’s sandpeople all right, I can see one of them now.” I would always frustratingly say “WHERE?!?” I was part of the generation of fans that had only experienced it on the small screen. Hell, that was a focus for advertising the 1997 Special Edition re-release. Fortunately, once I got that chance it was responsible for my insistence that all films I owned from that point be Widescreen, soon after came DVD then 16:9 Televisions and it became a non-issue. That 1997 re-release was magical. It not only gave me the chance to view the films in their “upgraded” theatrical splendor, but also reinvigorated my passion for them and excitement for the next installments. Gasoline on an already roaring fire. I still remember getting those VHS cassettes and hearing my father comment on how visually stunning the restoration was. It was impressive then, it’s reached critical mass now. The restoration and high definition mastering of these films is amazing. Are the changes and additions necessary? Some of them absolutely are, others aren’t. But seriously, if you think that Lucas is the first filmmaker to go back and alter his work to match his creative vision you’ve got to have your head examined. Why do some people think it detracts from the viewing experience? I’m with George on this one because, with a couple of exceptions, the changes enhance the saga entirely. I have watched the original theatrical versions of the films on DVD. I don’t need to again. It doesn’t evoke a sense of wonder in me that is any more significant than the updated versions. In fact, because their effects are so dated when compared to the prequels, try watching all six together and to me, that would detract from the experience. Since the very first alteration of Star Wars in 1981 with the opening crawl reading Episode IV: A New Hope, Lucas has modified these films to conform to his ultimate vision. Will he ever be finished? Of course not. Captain Nemo has to get his whale. Is this something you should be concerned with? Absolutely not. Wether you like the prequels or not, you simply have to acknowledge their existence by the fact that there is a backstory and it revolves around the Fall (and eventual Redemption) of Anakin Skywalker. The original trilogy’s focus was Vader; all of the other characters and events revolve around Vader. The prequels not only enrich the storyline with the tragedy of Anakin’s transformation, they are pretty fucking cool. Since they were made with state of the art CGI and filmmaking methods it’s only natural for Lucas to want to have all six of his films to not only have a similar look and feel, but that when now watching them in order, there is a seamless transition between trilogies. The Blu Ray finally accomplishes this. The prequels were shot with the latest in CGI technology enabling them to be spectacles of worlds and environments people can only dream of. Coruscant alone is the best example of this. The special effects are elaborate, detailed, and everywhere, adding to the depth and complexity of this imaginary galaxy for one reason, to make it more of a reality. The difference here is that it’s digital effects added to sets, models, and matte paintings. It’s still the same style, just evolved. The most satisfying shot is aboard the Tantavie IV at the end of Revenge of the Sith. Obi-Wan and Yoda join Bail Organa (Jimmy Smitts) in that familiar hallway to figure out what to do about the slaughter of the Jedi. The shot is gorgeous, with clean and bright lighting that especially evokes a feeling of newness and stability. Switch to the first scene in A New Hope and it looks not only like the same set, but the dated, and now weathered coloring of the ship can finally be explained with one answer from the storyline itself: it’s 18 years later. It’s not perfect, nothing is. However, it did make both me and my girlfriend gasp at the quality and interrupt the dialogue with commentary between ourselves at just how damn impressive these 30 year old films actually look. Watching all six in chronological order is a joy. The 1997 versions gave us new creatures at Mos Eisley, and a scene with Jabba that aside from one overdubbed line in the previous scene, is cleverly done given it was originally shot with an actor playing Jabba and it establishes Boba Fett as a presence in the film. Even if for a second; entirely advantageous given his involvement in Attack of the Clones. They gave us a Cloud City that had windows and really looks like “a city in the clouds.” Han shoots first? Let’s clarify this. Han shoots. There was no other shot. There is still quite a fanboy war over this one. Since the 2004 restoration, both Han and Greedo shoot simultaneously. Personally, I think Lucas didn’t want little kids walking away with their first impression of one of the film’s protagonists being that of a cold blooded murderer. Just my opinion. Fortunately, the dialogue in the scene was restored. I found it much more irritating that Han would mouth the words “I’ll bet you have.” 2004 also gave us not only the image of Ian McDiarmid as the Emperor in The Empire Strikes Back, but also additional dialogue between him and Vader that I think is quite fitting. Why does everyone get upset because they removed the woman who was the emperor in that original shot and obviously dubbed by Clive Revell? I really don’t get it. Changes like that are valid and in my eyes make the whole thing better.
As for the new additions and changes in this release, what’s the problem? The Ewoks blink now. Pause. Watch the documentary from 1983 on the “creatures” created for Return of the Jedi. They could always blink. Vader says “Noooooo” when throwing the Emperor down the shaft. Did you watch it yet? He not only says “Noooooo” as he lifts the Emperor off the ground, but right before that there is a resounding “NO” that seems to envelope the sound field and resonates through every channel and is actually pretty cool. Yoda is now all digital in The Phantom Menace. The puppet in that movie wasn’t the same puppet as in The Empire Strikes Back. It looked like shit. You know it. I know it. I seem to remember shrieking like a little girl when Yoda’s lightsaber first ignited and he spun around like a top slashing away at that stunt guy swinging at air with Christopher Lee’s face superimposed on his head. I know it’s fake. Does it look fake? Nope. Does it look even better on Blu Ray? Absolutely. Is it still one of my all time favorite moments in any of the six films? You bet your ass it is. Digital Yoda: A. Fucking. +. After watching that I still love the puppet Yoda in Empire but would I be upset if Lucas decided to put the digital version in? Doubtful, only because now when you watch them in sequence, Yoda looks strange because he’s not digital. I read that they had tests done and couldn’t make it work with the live sets of Dagobah. Probably in the next revision…
That brings up another point I have read countless times. “What about the artists other than Lucas whose hard work is invalidated because he cuts it from the film or changes it to digital?” This argument is completely baseless. How many countless scenes, actors, models, effects, and ideas have been left on the cutting room floor in the entire history of motion pictures? Way too many to even quantify. Weren’t these people all paid for their work, even if their entire contribution isn’t seen on one single frame? Shit, if that’s your argument, then shouldn’t the voice of Darth Vader be David Prowse? After all, he’s the one in the suit speaking to the actors as they filmed it all. So, that’s ok? But say, doing the reverse for Frank Oz by removing his physical puppetry of Yoda with animation and keeping only his voice is wrong? Sure. I know one thing that Lucas has never changed are the original credits.
Bottom line is that there may be reasons that people think that Lucas is crazy for “ruining their childhood” by changing these things. Am I one of them? No. Will these new discs get the paint worn off from the centrifugal force of being spun around endlessly in my Blu Ray player? You betcha.
It’s Been a While…
I was conceptualizing an elaborate post on a subject with which we are all familiar when it dawned on me: I haven’t posted anything in any regular frequency for quite a while. This is due to the fact that for once my life isn’t in shambles. I blog to vent, to inform, to idealize and dream; I blog because writing gives me a catharsis that is sought when life is kicking my ass. Lately, life has been better than it has ever been. I’m in disbelief. I am at a point where there is so much bliss, both personally and professionally, that I am actually scared that it won’t last. I am scared that I won’t be able to keep this going. I thought I had it all just three years ago. I was in a seemingly good relationship, I had a job that was giving me a good living, I had an 800+ credit rating, and I wasn’t in any pain. Fast forward about eighteen months and every single one of those things would be reversed. Suddenly, this 180 that my life has taken consumed me. I remained unemployed for thirteen months after losing my job in June of 2009. My pain escalated into severe chemical dependence and a hospital stay of nearly three months. My credit went from stellar to sewage. My relationship disintegrated as a result of these things and more. I was in Hell. More specifically, I was a living Hell.
Blogging about all of this simultaneous shit was a nice release for me. It wasn’t for the purpose of letting people know what was going on (in fact if you revisit any of them, you’ll see a certain vagueness), rather for me to just kind of ask the universe “what the fuck?” Looking back it’s easy to see how that little bit helped but that now I don’t take the time to continue when my life has everything aligned positively. Man, I must be such a negative person. I’m working on that, I swear.
Meme
Those of us who plod along the interwebz have no doubt come across one of the most viral ‘chain letters’ of our time: 15 Albums that Changed the Way You Look at Music. Some other forms have shown up now, such as my current favorite: Your iPod’s First 15 Shuffled Songs. While I have some difficulty really thinking about a whole 15 albums that I’d take to a desert island, it’s dawned on me that this kind of fantastical restriction no longer applies. Who needs 15 albums when I can have 500? Telling people your likes and dislikes is now just the type of thing that allows the socially networked to escape from mediocrity. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a sucker for quoting [drunk people], checking into everywhere just for the ability to say that I can, and tagging people in photos that don’t really want to be tagged. It’s our way of life now. Seriously, think about 2001 for a moment. Pre 9/11, we were living in a society where cell phones were actually called “cell phones,” Dubya had yet to snag that 15% approval rating, an iPodless Apple’s stock was still in the toilet, Amazon and eBay were changing shopping forever, and 24 had it’s debut season. I was 21 and man was it fun. Though, looking back, it’s hard to compare then to now. How did we ever live without constantly gratifying ourselves by endlessly recreating our youth through technology? Hell, how did we ever live without the technology? I can make dinner reservations, buy movie tickets, and check-in for a flight at JFK, all without touching a single piece of paper or god forbid by making a phone call on a fucking telephone. It reminds me of a couple of extensive ad campaigns from AT&T and Ameritech (Now also part of AT&T, formerly SBC) way back in the mid-nineties. They depicted everyday people effortlessly utilizing extraordinary leaps in technology. An earpiece the size of a quarter that makes phone calls, an ATM that instantaneously renews your driver’s license, and a computer tablet that allows you to turn off your house lights, wirelessly, on a train, a thousand miles away. Sound familiar? Christ, half of what we can do now makes that shit seem dated already. Well, save for the ATM, but who needs to go to an ATM anymore when you can deposit checks by taking a fucking picture of them?
Oh, it was Facebook’s character limit on status updates that prompted this rant. Before I forget:
God Moving Over the Face of the Waters – Moby
Renegades of Funk – Rage Against the Machine
War Ensemble – Slayer
Nocturne in E Minor, Opus 72 #1 – Chopin
I Don’t Mind the Pain – Danzig
Feels Just Like it Should – Jamiroquai
We Will Rise – Arch Enemy
The Becoming – Nine Inch Nails
Forty Six & 2 – Tool
Horrorscope – Overkill
Push It – Static-X
Shine – Collective Soul
Holiday – Weezer
Holier Than Thou – Metallica
Urgent – Foreigner
Writing is Cathartic
I’ve given this entry an indescript title because I have basically nothing to write about right now. My life is currently experiencing one of it’s most tumultuous upheavals ever and in the process, I’m torn as to wether or not I care to divulge any information on said tumult.
On one hand, I absolutely do; want to share this crazy time in my life with anyone who’ll read it. On the other hand, it’s just over that line of privacy that people can misinterpret even if they get the straight truth directly from me.
I wrote the former two paragraphs five months ago. You’d think that after a small amount of time passes, things would improve. They haven’t. Not even slightly. I’m writing again simply because I noticed that I haven’t written anything for a long time (and I am rejoicing in that FCC indecency ruling–Here’s hoping it won’t be overturned). That bothers me; this outlet of creative freedom has been at times a deeply satisfying measure. The times where it’s not are when my parents point out that prospective employers are scanning Facebook and other social networks and weeding out those that they find objectionable. My only argument is that if someone reads this and becomes offended or put-off by my unrelenting [adjective] [adjective] [noun], it’s no [Megadeth reference]. I do, wait, I guess given the lack if recent entries would have to change this tense to past. I did this for my own sake. It’s probably the most selfish thing next to suicide, writing, as it’s only made public to elicit a reaction from someone else. Nobody cares about this shit, in that, it’s not life-or-world-changing. When I write something, it’s there for all to read, and to offer opinion, criticism, or disdain. Hell, something, even if it’s of the most negative type of backlash against my opinions, is always better than nothing. If people are reading it, fantastic. That’s the point. Though, it doesn’t always seem so because of the lack of comments…
Have you figured out what my point is? Writers, though it’s probably too early to classify myself as one, are attention whores. I am most certainly an attention whore, anyone who would say otherwise hasn’t met me. Is this a bad thing? Of course not. What is the one thing that people crave in life? Attention. That’s what capitalism is all about baby. “Hey look at me and all of my toys!” Got a counterpoint? Great, I love arguing. Don’t? Great, I love being right.
Some Things Are Not Meant To Be…
The original title of this post was to be Apparently, I Should Be Posting More, but in its inception, I received the Blue Screen of Death and decided to add another topic to the list. I’m right. I don’t blog enough anymore. I just finished watching an episode of House in which Laura Prepon guests as a sickly woman my age who divulges every fleeting thought to her cadre of readers across the globe. Not only does this inflict emotional distress in her personal relationship, but also manifests as a breaking point for her to make important medical decisions. Now, I’m not in the least relating my own situation to this but it did strike a couple of important thoughts in me. The first of which is that while I was recently in a significant relationship, I chose to withold important details of the incidence that occurred in its duration. In hindsight, this may have been a good thing. Since things are now not as amicable as I would like them to be, it is better not to have spilled any blood for the case of retaliation. I know of this first hand as now over three years ago, I was the recipient of such evil. On the plus side, the both of us now see just how destructive divulging every last bit of information to friends, family, and perfect strangers can be. As for the current situation, it’s hard for me to think of anything that could’ve been written that would not have completely hurt this person.
There is reason for restraint and privacy. There are ways that people behave when they are amongst others in public and private situations that differ entirely. I have what I consider to be an advantage when it comes to both of these situations; I am always the same person. I have a tendency, for which I am now addressing psychologically, to behave a certain way towards people whether they be strangers, collegues, or intimates. The point is that I don’t hide behind some facade of what I think I should be in some form and flip a switch when I get home. I’ve seen this kind of behavior, it doesn’t agree with people in the long term. There are also other things that I could divulge about relationship matters that I’ve had but some will argue sides and no true resolutions will be made. Not to mention, it’s not as if my hit count here has exceeded double digits. Shit, I was shocked when one day I logged over 25 different readers. I could, as anyone would, hope that more and more people will actually be reading my words; not an obsession, just validation.
Restaurant Misadventures: An Expose in the Service Industry, Part VI
6/18/2007
Gratuity: The Undiscovered Country
Shutup if you’re going to comment with iorny; I still have the right to discuss the subject and everyone I worked with at least TOLD me what I did was what THEY WOULD HAVE DONE. Yes, that’s a Star Trek VI reference, but anyone will tell you that the even numbered films are the best (before nex-gen which ALL kicked ass) so I feel that it’s worthy. And the reboot, WOW, I just hope they don’t fuck up the sequels.
For anyone who has ever worked/dined/bitched at any establishment that serves at the least some ketchup packets, you may be familiar with the most controversial, ill-defined, and confusing standard known as gratuity. This topic is controversial by nature; both sides never agree on what is normal, what should be normal, or what is mutually acceptable between the two groups in question. I have only decided to encroach upon all that is holy simply because, ah hell, I want to discuss this.
The two groups in question of course are waitstaff and customers. The customer’s always right. The server is always wrong. Adopt that motto, and you’ll just begin to understand what it’s like to make a living as a server. Of course, anyone with some good sense will tell you that (when it comes to educated, career professionals who know what they’re doing) this argument is completely illogical. The customer needs guidance from the server in order to maximize the potential experience they will have that evening. If the server cannot provide this maximization of elated bliss, in the long run, the guest is dissatisfied, in many cases with more than just one thing, and the server’s income suffers. In order for this to happen, realistically, the customer is always wrong, and the server is the one who is in control of the situation.
Many servers will agree that because of several reasons, 20% on every check is acceptable. Now, before I go on, personally, I have a different outlook on things simply because I’m a realist. I’m so much a realist that I’ve even been accused of being a fatalist in several situations. My outlook is this: there is simply nothing that can be done to change the predisposition of customers’ tendencies when it comes to gratuity. The best way to approach this subject is to just accept what is given without having any expectations, and certainly keeping a positive outlook by not making generalizations and discriminations against certain groups of people or past trends. In the end, in my experience, everything balances out. My income over the past two years, while extremely variable, has only shifted drastically on one occaision. One weekend you can earn $60 on a Saturday night, then $240 on Sunday. Another weekend it’ll be $300 on Saturday, and $50 on Sunday. There is no way to predict who will come in, spend what money, and be gracious based on the level of service. So, with this outlook, one can better prepare themselves for the hell they will experience on a daily basis. Once again, I will point out how much ass I kick, as opposed to the many co-workers who continually bitch about sections not getting filled, mis-matched headcounts, and a consistent 10-15% from all of their guests. If 10-15% is consistent for you after bitching about getting 9 covers instead of 13, shutup and consider a different line of work, because you’re not cut out for this.
As for the customers…
First of all, most customers have no idea what the reality of being a server in this country entails. Save for the lucky few in states like Minnesota, we earn a pittance of $2.65 an hour. Let me repeat that: $2.65 an HOUR. Of course, with a good volume of customers, the final figure can easily shoot past $25.00 an hour. This is all because we are at the mercy of the customers and without proper service, that figure drops significantly. In addition to receiving tips as the majority of our income, we are required to pay out that money to various co-workers for assisting, including bussers, food-runners, and bartenders. So, immediately, whatever we make in total for one evening is shorted a minimum of 20% (in total for all three groups), and I do say minimum because like us, if their performance is deserving of more, they’ll receive more. In fact, it’s a common trend that the more money grossed at the end of a shift, the more money is alloted for tip outs to other staffers. Regardless, the customer may also not be aware of this fact.
In addition to the confusion behind where our income originates, there are other socio-economic factors that either increase or decrease gratuity. The most common factor is predisposition. A lot of people are still living in a world where 15% is acceptable. Forget of course that server wages in 15 years have only increased by about $.53 hourly, while cost of living has increased a minimum of 20%. Interesting. So, when a guest drops $15 on $100, we wind up with $12. On average, total net tips over a year’s time amount to anywhere from 12-15% but never much higher.
I have regular guests every week that laud my service and are consistently happy with everything that I do (to the point that not only do they take my suggestions, but each and every week I essentially order everything for them, from Appetizers to Wine.) and consistently, every week, I receive 13-15%, after discount (Sunday is our “Frequent Winer” 25% off day). Am I disconcerted? Sure. Is there anything that I can do to change this? No. Will I continue to answer my own questions immediately after asking them? Always.
Again, this isn’t a complaint. This is reality. Sometimes, even the strangest, most demanding asshole will drop $60 on $140. Keep an open mind and you can wink at Saddam and the Devil when you approach the Gates of Hell.
*Update for 2007-2009: Lets use some recent math, shall we? $15 on $100 with a 41% tip-out and the second tax bracket nets $6.50. That’s right, $6.50. Damn I’m glad I don’t have to deal with those numbers anymore.
Restaurant Misadventures: An Expose in the Service Industry, Part V.V
6/28/2007
Yes, this is an addendum to the, say it with me now, pre-previous misadventures post, and for good reason. Call it a point/counterpoint.
I CANNOT READ PEOPLE
In the pre-previous part five of this snarky series, I posted this:
“Do you have any Wild Salmon?”
Quite odd that I would reference “More” in the previous post, given that the following is the complete opposite of the original intent.
Wild Salmon Lady and her wayward husband came in last Saturday. This time, however, they were accompanied by 5 guests and were not seated in my section. If I remember correctly, shouts of glee could be heard from a distance. They sit down, though not entirely, and proceed to have their evening out. Wild Salmon is well behaved, although we noticed immediately that her husband, was not. As my coworker is taking the table’s order, he proceeds to just get up, walk over to the Garmo and asks the Chef, for a winelist. Pretty unorthodox; douche-like. He then flags down a server (not his) and asks a wine question. Her surprise and abundance of what we call, say, common sense, precluded her from giving a straight answer.
He then finds me, after walking aimlessly while reading, and proceeds to tell me his issue. I respond, graciously, because I’m not a cocksucker, and even if I find things in people I don’t like particularly, I’m still polite and helpful. Especially, I’ll add, when it comes to answering wine questions. I’m the prick at work that everyone hates because I have all the answers. In and of itself, this is a complete contradiction; why must people get pissed off at me for having answers to their questions?
As I mentioned in the first part of this post, this guy’s an idiot. Not genuinely stupid by any means; certainly a successful, educated man. Just one of those people who doesn’t understand just what it is that they’re looking for. The man is convinced, most likely because of Paul Giamatti, that he loves, and therefore will only drink, Pinot Noir. My Sommelier and I dread having to pick wine for this man, because 99 out of 100 Pinots that this guy tastes, he doesn’t like. Why? It’s because the guy likes big, meaty, California/New World blends and probably got to taste some single vineyard Russian River Pinot one time that was horribly over-extracted, and unlike the other 9000 in the area…Paul Hobbs anyone?
This is all fine and good; everyone is entitled to their opinions and interests. The problem here is that this guy likes rich extracted Pinots that are literally $100+ at cost, and is convinced that he can only spend $40 and get the same results. Not gonna happen. Needless to say, it’s frustrating; tempting to shake some damn sense into this guy.
Fortunately, on this particular evening, his guest with whom he’d be sharing a bottle, doesn’t like Pinots. Jackpot. This is where I get to shine.
“Michael (Yes he knows me by name), my friend and I would like a nice bottle, at a reasonable price, but he doesn’t want to drink a Pinot.”
“Well, I have something perfect…a Bordeaux Style Blend out of Washington State, very subtle, soft, and even Pinot-Like, with some good age.”
He takes my suggestion (They often do, hey, I sell the shit I like the best, the most), and I serve it and he’s VERY happy. Thank god. You have any idea how difficult it is to make this man happy on the first try?
I return to my duties and they have a nice meal. As he’s leaving, I happened to walk by and he stops to thank me. In this short conversation, he asks about my move. Shocked that he’d even heard about it (FROM WHOM I’M STILL CURIOUS), I proceeded to tell him my plans. He remarks that he had just purchased a home in New York and suggested that we connect when I finally move in the Fall. He thanks me again for the brilliant wine suggestion and gives me a firm handshake. That was a pleasant experience. Despite the aggravation this man and his wife have caused myself and my co-workers with their particular requests, it was nice to be able to do the fundamentals of my job and enjoy it at the same time.
That’s also when I looked into my hand and saw the hundred dollar bill. The moral of this story is further explained in Part VI. Never make assumptions or have expectations, because when you least expect it, people appreciate you more than you deserve.
